Parenting done right

Posted on by A. Rinum in Blog

Why don’t parents understand that in their desires for their kids to be something great, they’re ruining them? That in their wants, their children are getting trampled and damaged.

I’ve seen too many children sacrifice their mental health just for the sake of their parents. I’ve seen friends cry on school staircases because they felt like disappointments. I’ve had so many friends cry on my shoulders because I was the only form of comfort they had. What I didn’t understand was why did I have to be someone else’s comfort when I myself was a volcano waiting to erupt.

I don’t understand what is the point of sacrificing one’s very existence to give life to someone else. Isn’t that mental suicide. Why ruin your life just to make sure someone else is satisfied?

It’s like you’re willing to give up your freedom just because you’re scared of a war, which will erupt regardless of the appeasement. The British did that with Adolf Hitler. They gave him what he wanted, and he still opted for more. Sometimes some things are just inevitable. You cannot stall certain things just because you want them to stop. You can avoid a war for as long as you like, but one day it will consume you. So, might as well pick up your sword and charge.

Maybe when you don’t have a choice, you tend to choose between wars that will cause the least amount of damage and in this case, the self-damage that is caused has lesser destruction compared to the outer war.

It’s better and easier to keep everything inside, nod your head, and smile than to explain the destruction and eruptions going on inside.

But my point is parents need to understand that their children aren’t made of clay. They can’t just alter their children the way they want them to. They’ll ruin the beauty that nature has bestowed upon them.

It’s like forcing a plant to grow in a certain way, with certain nutrients, under certain circumstances, like an experiment and then complaining that the plant is ruined. You can’t force an apple tree to grow into a mango tree and you can’t force a mango tree to give lemons.

Every child is special and instead of altering these children, it’s time to accept them for who they are.

Einstein once said, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Everyone is a genius in their own unique way. There’s no point of forcing uniqueness into people, you’ll only damage them. Let things take their own course. Let people grow on their own. Let them mend with their own antidotes. Let them search for their own cures. Let them heal however they can. Just be supportive. Don’t push your children away because they aren’t what you wanted them to be. Teach your kids to be courageous but kind. Strong but courteous. Let them grow without expectations. Cherish them so they could cherish existence. It’s hard to break the cycle, but a little effort can save generations.

Photo by O1234567890 from Pexels

Published by A. Rinum

I was born in Pakistan, and I moved to the US when I was four years old. From the rural villages of Pakistan to the buildings of New York. Come take a glimpse into my life.

32 thoughts on “Parenting done right”

  1. You are right A.Rinum, parents need to understand their children keeping beside their own wishes, expectations as well as ego!!Each and every word of this blog was quite relatable…👍👍👍

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  2. I think most parents don’t even realize that they are forcing their own hidden desires on their kids. Specially Asian parents where parents don’t like having open dialogue with kids regarding their careers. Very well written article.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  3. The Mr. Rogers movie was so insightful. I wish we had him when I was a child. One quote from the movie that I think about a lot is “You don’t have to do something spectacular in order to be loved”.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. To me the role of parents lay in discovering what skills their children have and help them hone those as the young mind yet learns and most likely doesn’t know what is needed to make a progress, a great topic🙈 thank you so much for sharing 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Having a role model and forcing their dreams and desires on their children are two different things. I agree parents need to set rules and standards for their children for a better upbringing…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. This is way too true. I’m sad you live with it.
    Something I’m trying to learn is that my life is mine not my parents, though of course there is the balance for I don’t want to hurt them.
    Often parents can’t differentiate especially if they’re not completely healthy or secure. Because they’ve devoted their lives to their children.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  9. I read this post and found it interesting in that children are being pushed beyond their smart phones by parents. I wish that my up bringing would have turned out better sooner when I was at home and still young. I did get the education I wanted through out my life time. I have a goal to finish a BA off before the end grabs me.

    Great writing with thoughts for all of us to wonder about.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. In every family, parents will have values and views. In most families, there will be some “issues” the parents have. It comes with living in an imperfect world, having grown up in an imperfect world, but doing our best. Let me consider this from a child’s perspective (when I was young). My father always worked, but he was distant from his children. At times, he could be fun, sometimes fixing pancakes for Saturday, at other times taking us someplace or playing a board game, but with time, that became far less frequent. He simply only knew how to function with a work mentality. My mother was fantastic. She took care of us and did all the things good mothers do, but she didn’t know how to converse with us beyond the day to day happenings. But that is okay. I realized, much later, I had a pretty good childhood. Yes, I would have liked to have gone fishing, camping, and worked on the car together. Yes, I would have like more conversations about life’s issues. Yes, I would have liked my mother to have put more interest in our interests. They did the best with what they knew, but of course, some of who they were was from their own childhoods, which later, I saw the difficulties they endured. In my view, parents should not be their children’s best friends. Parents are the adults. They must be the values in the home, being responsible, guiding their children, but allowing the children to also figure some of life’s difficulties. After some time, had my father attempted to be my best friend, I would have wondered about him. I see the father as a benevolent dictator. He should care, have talks that are important, take the children for hikes and stuff, but always know who he is and what’s important. The parents set the rules, but as the children demonstrate good judgement, are given more freedom which they’ve demonstrated trust. After all, he’s the father. She’s the mother. And the mother must always be responsible, the two taking care of us, taking an interest in our interests, but also requiring responsibility from us. Chores. School work. Standing by your word. Like I told others, if you want to play football or join a dance class, fine, but you must stick it out for the entire time, showing responsibility. Keep your grades up. After, if you don’t want to pursue, you can look for other interests. In this way, children learn responsibility, healthy relationships, but also learn to face the consequences of decisions. Life is hard, but easier with a good beginning.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. I am the ‘child’ right now, and I think I wrote that from the perspective of a child not a parent. Maybe someday when I have my own kids that mentality would change. Now when I think of it, we expect to see our parents as hero’s not humans…. and when that human side becomes more dominant, we become disappointed. Parents have their own issues and their own problems, but as children we don’t really see that. Our questions get answered when we’re put into that position. I might still not understand how parenting works, but children need compassion, touch, love, understanding…. Maybe as I have children of my own… I’ll better understand how children or parents work!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I think you have a good handle on things. Getting hugs and discussing issues every child wants. Family time is important. I think what children want is that sense of family, and that includes talks, dinner time, cooking together, but also chores and correction. Most kids/teens don’t like correction, but they really do, because caring comes through. As young people, we need the adults to guide, but as we take on responsibilities, to let us go as we shine. Good luck.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I loved that comment. It’s all about balance. I hope we become great parents when the time comes. And yes, we need to appreciate everything our parents have done for us….

        Like

      3. It helps, I think, to be appreciative and realize people aren’t perfect, even our parents. I think, as children, we want to see our parents as perfect, and when they’re not, it troubles us. That’s natural. And as we make mistakes, we can see that they make mistakes. And it’ s okay to realize they do make them, sometimes big ones, but what can we do. For myself, I see some of the “stupid” things I’ve done, realizing then that my parents are human. I wish always the best for them.

        Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s