When anxiety changes into depression

Posted on by A. Rinum in Blog

Anxiety is that odd feeling that grabs you by the throat and suffocates you to the point where you wheeze for air. No matter how hard you inhale you can’t seem to get anything inside of your lungs. It’s a feeling that constantly makes you worry. It nibbles on your insecurities and makes you lose your mind. You become tired and restless and your heart starts thrashing in your ribcage and you start sweating like crazy. All the energy you had in your body leaves you, making you feel so tired that you can’t even move. A deep slicing headache takes a hold of you. The pain is so bad that you’re willing to swallow as many pills as you can to make it go away.

The anxiety slowly leaves, and depression fills the void. Everything that once held meaning loses its purpose. Faith that once kept you in one peace starts to suffocate you, making you run around, gasping for air. You sit in one place like a statue staring into space because the wars in your mind are damaging you. You can’t fight the world because you’re losing a war with yourself. You lose faith and then slowly you lose every part of you that makes you human. All you want to do is lie down, curl into a ball, cover yourself and sleep. But even sleep gives up on you and you lay awake, trying to hold onto whatever excuse you can find to keep going.

Things that once made you happy, don’t bring a smile to your face anymore. Even the simplest tasks, like making breakfast seem like a burden. Getting out of bed seems useless.

Thoughts roam around in your mind, making you question the validity of your existence. You lose hope and at that moment everything just seems useless. That soft voice telling you to end it all takes over and you find yourself smiling to that thought. It brings an odd comfort.

Depression or anxiety is not easy to deal with. It’s like you’re drowning in an ocean and everyone else is drowning with you, but they can breathe, and you can’t. It’s like everything is on fire and no one seems hurt but you. It’s like everyone else is living in a parallel universe and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to escape.

Everyone has their way of dealing with anxiety. I write. I wrote a freaking poetry book to deal with my mental health. Curing my Venom. It’s based on the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But no matter what stage I’m on, I can’t seem to move on to acceptance. I always get dragged back. I don’t know what’s holding me, but I do know I have chains as thick as iron grasping my arms. And I’m suffocating.

Be gentle with people who have anxiety and depression or any other mental illness. They’re too busy fighting the demons in their minds that they can’t seem to fight you. Give them assurance. Constant assurance that things will be okay because sometimes the demons in their mind are so loud that they can’t hear you over the ruckus in their brain.

Published by A. Rinum

I was born in Pakistan, and I moved to the US when I was four years old. From the rural villages of Pakistan to the buildings of New York. Come take a glimpse into my life.

23 thoughts on “When anxiety changes into depression”

  4. I can’t express how much I could relate to each and every single one of your words in this post. You have a gift not only to evaluate all these thoughts in your head but also translate the thoughts into words and express them so beautifully… 🙂 Anxiety, depression, stress, anger management issues, feeling like a failure and so much more- all these feelings are overwhelming and it’s incredible in a sad way how many of us deal with the same issues…That is why this blogging community is so important so that we can all be there for each other because we can all understand and relate with each other! Thank you for this post!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

      1. I’m sorry to know that you go through the same thing 😦 And yes, sometimes confiding helps release a lot of the burden from our hearts. Thank you for your kind words my friend! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: When anxiety changes into depression — Guest Blogger Rinum’s blog – Survivors Blog Here

  10. Thank you for sharing this. I’m new to blogging – quite literally started yesterday and this was the first post I came across. So much of what you have said here resonates with how I feel. My journey with anxiety is only in its infancy, but it’s comforting to know that I’m not on my own in having these thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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