Losing Freedom

Posted on by A. Rinum in Blog


In Pakistan or in the Pakistani culture I’ve noticed that women aren’t allowed to leave the house and even if they are the atmosphere and society won’t let them. There’s too much misogyny. Don’t get me wrong there are things about the Pakistani culture that are beautiful, like making sure the family sticks together through thick and thin or the fact that elders are respected and aren’t called by their names. Pakistani people are hospitable. I remember one time a woman, who made money by milking three of her cows gave me and my mom fresh milk when we went over to her house. She barely had enough to feed her kids, yet she made sure we received some.

But the one thing I hate is this misogyny. I’m not a feminist (men and woman can never be equal. There are things only woman can do and there are things only men can do.) When I say women rights, I speak on behalf of all those girls that are put after their brothers. The girls that don’t get a right to education because a woman’s job is to take care of her kids, her husband and her in laws. That’s it! She has no right to dream and even if she does dream, she’ll have to dig a grave and bury herself in it. Don’t get me wrong I support every woman that wants to be a house wife. What I don’t support is that forced component

When I say women rights, I speak on behalf of that aunt who gets beat up by her husband or that cousin who’s afraid to speak her mind. That third cousin whose husband married a second time while he was married to her. That neighbor who was bought as a wife. That woman who was murdered by her own family because she wanted to marry her classmate. Or that woman who had acid thrown on her face for what ever reason.

But even before marriage woman are constrained (I’m not speaking for everyone). These same women dream of getting married to move out and live a life like those couples do in Hollywood movies. But once they get married it’s the same captivity all over again. Sometimes its worse.

Take care of your in-laws. Don’t do anything that might make your parents look bad. Your dreams don’t matter because what your husband says is more important. Leave your family behind and live with mine. See your family once a month.

I don’t know where I’m getting with this. But maybe the point that I’m trying to make is that women leave behind their families for their husbands. They tuck their dreams away to focus on the bigger dream. They go through 9 months of uncomfortableness, then labor and then postpartum. Men have their own struggles. But marriage should never be captivity. It should be motivating each other. Helping one another cope with past traumas. It should be comprehending and understating. It should be a safe haven. It should be Heaven.

Published by A. Rinum

I was born in Pakistan, and I moved to the US when I was four years old. From the rural villages of Pakistan to the buildings of New York. Come take a glimpse into my life.

29 thoughts on “Losing Freedom”

  4. It’s sad…some don’t even know they deserve more, they could have more. Being trapped is their only way of living.
    Thank you for writing, you’re promoting such beautiful values, like freedom and self worth, your blog is precious and impressive at the sane time.
    Many hugs and blessings to you! ♥️🙏

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  6. Quite interesting take on this….freedom vs captivity….different cultures….women vs men….your view tells already, there’s awareness….it all starts from there…..

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  7. There’s nothing to say because it’s true. And I know you’re not talking for all, but a large part. And I know there’s beauty, so much beauty, there too.
    Sending hugs….

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  10. I feel like in most of the developing countries this is the same situation every women faces..may not be to this extreme..still it’s a captivity as you said..every where women are giving up their dreams for the family.. and kids..it shouldn’t be like that…we should speak up..💪I too felt the same thoughts and did a post http://lafemina.home.blog/2020/06/27/who-puts-an-expiry-date-on-womens-dreams/….but this one is amazing 👍🏻😊keep writing ✍️..

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  11. I don’t want to be critical of any culture, but my first husband was controlling and I could not handle it well. For me I believe that when you truly love someone you support them in their dreams. Each make sacrifices for the other’s happiness. I have that now with my 20 plus years of marriage with my second husband. He wants what makes me happy and I definitely want the same for him. It is as if we are one.

    This is sad to me. Great piece perhaps things will change with a younger generation. I hope so.
    Love to you and your family. ❤️💕Joni

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