Understanding pain

The worst kind of pain is the one where you can’t express yourself. Where words transform into tears and your voice starts to crack. You feel that lump in your throat and it expands with every passing second. Where your heart is bleeding and you can’t tell anyone. Where you have so many people around you but no shoulder to lean on.

The worst kind of pain is knowing that no one will ever know what the hell you’re going through, but they will judge you with every ounce of judgement they have in their body. Where you’re tearing and shattering, and you’re waiting for this nightmare to end, but it plays over and over again.

Breaking away from pain is inevitable. You will be hurt and you will bleed until you have no blood left in your veins. That’s just how life is. But the worst part is that sometimes there is no one around you to help you heal. In fact, some people will take salt and rub it all over your wounds.

I don’t blame the people around me. I have the tendency to push everyone away. That’s just how I’m wired. It’s this thought that if no one is close to me than no one can ever hurt me. It usually works. Until I have those days where my thoughts take a hold of me, and I become desperate to hear a voice. I become desperate to speak, but the explosions rumbling in my brain become too loud. That’s when I want to talk to someone. Pour out my heart, but I don’t know where to begin and where to end. I want to spit it all out.

Pain is a very odd thing. It makes you bleed, but it also tells you that you’re alive. Pain is never bad because you learn from it. But it becomes intolerable when you let it slither in your veins, making you hate everything around you. It’s not easy. Dealing with pain is never easy, but don’t let it make you bitter. Don’t let it change you.

The thing that helps me is this verse from the Quran, “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).  To me this verse means that I will bend but I won’t break. That I am so strong I can carry mountains on my back. I can sail the deepest oceans.

Even if you don’t believe, just know that the universe has greater plans for you. Think of pain as a cruel teacher who is here to teach you, and once that teacher is done teaching, you’ll have a choice: either you can become better or bitter.

25 thoughts on “Understanding pain

  1. Everyone needs someone to lean on. We can’t all be alone all the time. It’s great that we have Him, but we also need a great friend who will be there for us. Someone who might hurt us once in a while, which is very normal in every relationship. But we all get better when someone is always at our back cheering for us and always have shoulders available if we need to cry. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You write words that I have often thought. Recently a medication change caused a sudden set back that was terrifying. Suddenly I couldn’t feel anything, no joy, no sadness, no pleasure, no anguish, just nothing. Anguish is better. If you feel nothing, you may as well be dead. I push people away too.. I think when you are constantly hurt and misjudged, it becomes instinct. But you have faith and that is a good thing. Hold on to it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my goodness… I can’t tell you how much I resonated with your comment. Sometimes talking to you I feel like I’m talking to a version of myself. Yes that hollow feeling is like a black hole… every other feeling just disappears. But be strong buddy!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. From the the first 1 sentence i was like, wow someone finally knew how to describe it! And all my misunderstandings with dad came flowing bcs he is particularly one person this happened to me all the time with~ and the judgements only fueled it and you are split btw not being able to tell them bcs they won’t undersrand no matter what and the judgements~ i’m learning to never take anything ppl say to heart bcs at the end bcs they speak what they have inside and that never means you are what they say, they are free to their opinions and so you are and that’s perfectly fine and normal ~ sorry for my long comment but i couldn’t help it~ Thank you so much dear Aisha~ 🙈💖

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wish there was a different choice than the like button. I use it to praise your writing, but would use something different for your pain. You say, It’s this thought that if no one is close to me than no one can ever hurt me. Somehow forgetting or denying its opposite,if someone is close to you, then, they may be able to help you. That, of course, means you have to let them.

    Liked by 1 person

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