Destroying myself

Posted on by A. Rinum in Blog

Please don’t yell at me
I don’t know how to react
just take a knife and slice my heart
maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

I’m not as strong as you are
I easily tend to break
you can’t just throw salt on my wounds
and say it was a mistake.

I don’t know why I am like this
why my mind is in turmoil
the pain doesn’t physically hurt
but it makes my blood boil.

I know I am a mess
but your taunts are of no help
you can’t stop destroying me
because I’m already doing that to myself.

Destruction in 3, 2, 1……
Poetry book: Curing My Venom

Published by A. Rinum

I was born in Pakistan, and I moved to the US when I was four years old. From the rural villages of Pakistan to the buildings of New York. Come take a glimpse into my life.

13 thoughts on “Destroying myself”

  1. Don’t destroy yourself! You are beautiful and wonderful. And I am also not as strong as it might seem to others. And I also don’t want to get yelled at. Sometimes, but very rarely I yelled at people. Usually just my father or mother. But only because I got the same response from them often.
    With my mother it was not that often, but also sometimes. And afterwards she usually felt bad and I as well. Since I am not totally sure what you meant with the self-destruction, I just hope it doesn’t mean that you are about to end your life. Not now, especially not now!
    And like with all the other people, I love you as well and don’t want to lose soul mates and friends.
    Sending lots of love! 💛💛💜💜

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    1. Oh no! I would never take a step like that. life can get hard sometimes but ending it won’t be beneficial at all. ( I love how my friends online are more concerned about me than my close friends). That just warms my heart. By self-destruction I meant doing things that aren’t in my favor, because I care too much about others.

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  2. And it might hurt for the moment, but not forever.
    When it comes to me, then I wish that it soon will pass and you feel joy instead of pain in your heart. Because I don’t want to hurt it any more than it already is. The opposite is the case.
    In case I did hurt, then I hope you know that it wasn’t meant to kill you, but make you want to live.
    My methods are very weird. And if you have no idea what I am talking about, then this is also completely fine. I just wasn’t sure what to make of it, so I wrote to make sure that I am on your side, hopefully as a friend and not someone who makes your life even more painful that it already must be. ❤

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    1. No I understand you! You make sense… pain is there to make you understand the beauty of joy. Without pain… joy wouldn’t have the value it has! And I hope what ever pain we’re going to subsides!

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  6. Things can get better. It’s a long hard road. I’ve had that feeling too, where I would prefer the knife in the heart and I’ve had the boiling blood. I think it means you are hyper sensitive, very passionate. I used to lose myself in music. But it never totally goes away. A friend always said to me “deep breaths” and there is value in that, even you don’t meditate (which I seem unable to).

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  8. Oh dear, we are really alike 😭! Please be kind to your self because no body truly will be kind to it other than you~ and Lots of love to you dear~ 🌸💝

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