Why I wish I was born as a boy!

Posted on by A. Rinum in Blog

Because ever since I was young, I saw the discrimination between genders. I hail from a culture that aches for boys and frowns upon girls. When a daughter is born the news is tightly sealed, as if it is something to be embarrassed of, and when a boy is born sweets are distributed and laughter’s of joy are heard.

“The world isn’t safe because you’re a girl,” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this phrase. But no one ever explained to me who exactly is the threat? Who am I not safe from?

If I do something wrong as a girl, I tarnish the family’s reputation, and if a boy does something wrong it’s a tarnish to someone else’s reputation. Why? Why this unfairness?

I don’t understand is being born a girl a bad thing. But I swear it wasn’t my choice- if it was, I wouldn’t have chosen this.

The culture I come from is toxic. It’s like poison being drilled into your brain. Women are responsible for all the house chores. Do the dishes, clean the floor, take care of the children- even if the husband is at home and is doing nothing all day. And if a woman does want to work, she has to balance both- that too if she’s allowed to.

“It’s the job of the daughter to take care of the house.” My friend cried to me once when her father told her this, because she didn’t understand why her brothers played video games all day while she was forced to work. There needs to be a balance. But people don’t understand this.  

Instead of confining your daughters to the house. Give them swords and help them carve their own path. Let them slay their own dragons. Let them ride their own horse. Let them morph into what they desire. Stop telling them that they can do what ever they want after they get married. Because trust me they’ll be just as trapped in their husband’s house as they were in yours.

It’s the father’s job to make his daughter rise not be the reason for her fall. Make your daughter unbreakable so she can crush the sky and break unbreakable mountains.

A second cousin of mine threaten to marry another woman because his wife bore him daughters. I was disgusted by him, and I still am. Even the sight of him makes me angry. The mention of his name makes my blood boil. How can you say that when you’ve come out of a womb? He didn’t stop until he had a son.  It’s like being a woman somehow degrades my credibility to possess talents.

A relative, who I believe is a psychopath, refuses to let his wife leave the house and on top of that he’s abusive. Yet he lives in another country and is married to a woman for her nationality. This is what I call hypocrisy.

Or the fact that I overheard one of my closest family members who was pregnant say, “but what if it’s a girl?” As if being a girl is contagious and it’s something so deeply to be ashamed of. These statements and questions were never directed to me but they made me question the validity of my own existence. Was I a mistake? We’re woman an evolutionary mutation? Did I really matter compared to those who had different chromosome compared to me? I’m not a feminist- Not at all. I have my own reasons. But please explain to that nine-year-old me, why I shouldn’t wish to be born as a boy.

Why is it that when a girl makes a decision for herself, she is made to feel guilty as if she committed a crime. Why does she have to seem so selfish? Why make her anxious under her own skin?

This is for all those desi parents. Do they not understand that by doing so they’re destroying their daughter’s future, her self-respect, her confidence? Why is it so hard for parents to say that they are proud of their daughters? Is it because they have a different pair of chromosomes? Or is it because the way they are made makes them impure. I don’t understand please explain!

As a daughter you can move mountains, make the earth crack, break down the sky, but it will all go to deaf ears because you aren’t the son. Because you just don’t have the freaking Y chromosome.

If you’re a father, never tell your daughter that doing the house work is her job or the fact that she came into this world to serve her husband and bare him children. Don’t ruin her for your own pride. Trust me these words sting and the cuts don’t form on the skin, they embed into the mind. They stick to the soul and they hurt. Never tell your daughter that she needs to stay home and suffocate. Tell her to be that astronaut she always wanted to be ever since she was a child or tell her to go be that engineer, she always craved to be. Tell her she is capable of anything she sets her mind to.

Let her grow. Give her enough sunshine to let her bloom but don’t burn her. Cast your shadow over her to protect her but don’t suffocate her. Let her roots dig deep into the ground so that when you’re not there nothing can pull her out. Hold her tight so she can bloom into a tree that she was destined to be and not the one you’ve wanted her to be. Give her space but make sure you’re there to catch her if she’s about to fall.

Don’t cut off her wings because you’re scared of the vultures up there. Or don’t hide her because of the monsters lingering outside. Instead teach her how to fly with such force and such speed that even the winds become fearful of her. Make her so strong that the storms start fearing her presence. Instead of telling her to fear the darkness, tell her to be the light.

Take her out for dinner. Go to the movies. Play baseball with her. Tell her she’s beautiful so she wouldn’t crave to hear these words from the lips of another man.

And if you have a daughter or a son, never compare them to each other. They will blossom when their time comes. They will choose their own paths, but guide them and have faith in them. If you try to carve a path for your child, you’ll destroy the beauty in them. They’ll become directionless and that is the worst thing anyone can ever do to anyone. Take away someone else’s purpose. Children aren’t sketch pads; you can’t just draw what you desire. You’ll ruin them. Let your children mold and mend into what they are capable of being. Understand that your children know what is good for them. Let them fall, let them burn, because only then will they rise and only then will they learn.

Teach your daughter that she does not need to be a son, to do something in life. That she is the fire you planted when she came out of a womb.

My post sounded aggressive. That wasn’t my intention or maybe it was. I don’t know what I was thinking while writing. Maybe it’s the anger in me. But I know one thing for sure, that I would raise my daughter to be a strong, loving, kind soul who does not bend to the cruelty of this world.  

Published by A. Rinum

I was born in Pakistan, and I moved to the US when I was four years old. From the rural villages of Pakistan to the buildings of New York. Come take a glimpse into my life.

55 thoughts on “Why I wish I was born as a boy!”

  2. Unfortunately this is the cultural (and very much deeply engraved into generations) thinking that is found among most Indian/Pakistani cultures, but if we follow the Deen of Islam correctly, we will find the exact opposite, I found a beautiful article which explains what we wish should become our new culture or hopefully nurtured our children into becoming,

    https://backtojannah.com/women-in-islam/

    HOW DOES ISLAM REPRESENT WOMEN?
    WHAT IS THE ROLE OF A WOMEN IN ISLAM?

    These are some of the few questions and statements that still lingers in the minds of the people. Islam views women with equal rights just as men but the responsibilities and duties differ. When a female is born into an Islamic family, she plays the role of a daughter to the members of the family. It is said that when a boy is born, then he brings one Noor (light) and when a girl is born, then she brings two Noors”. They are a blessing to the family. Females may not have the must-earn rule to run the family but are the pathway to paradise. There is a narration which states- “One who loves his daughters and withstands the hardship of grooming and getting them married, Almighty Allah makes Jannah (paradise) compulsory on him and keeps him protects from the Fire of Jahannam (hell)”. Wow, this narration explains how much Almighty has made daughters valuable in Islam. The Almighty made it compulsory to be merciful towards daughter. Paradise is a gift for every father who raises his daughters following the protocols of Islam, provides and fulfils their needs and hand them over in marriage legally. Nabi Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “Whoever brings up two girls till they reach the age of puberty, he and I will come on the Day of Resurrection like this (and he joined his index and middle finger)”.. Which father wouldn’t want that? Muhammad ﷺ had 4 daughters and he loved them unconditionally. He never thought them as a burden but rather as a package of blessings. He ﷺ made a statement like, “(My daughter) Fatima is a part of me, so whoever angers her angers me.” [Al Bukhari and Muslim]. It is depressing to know how still people are unaware of the role of women as a daughter in Islam is and how sometimes parents can look at them as a burden. Daughters are not a burden but a reward for the afterlife.

    Next, when a women’s wali becomes her husband with her permission, as Islam does not permit forced marriage which is against the teaching of Islam, she becomes a wife. “When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be not accepted” [Sahih Bukhari]. Now, when it comes to “wife in Islam” the impression embeds as staying at home becoming a “slave”. That’s not the case. A wife in Islam is never to be taken for granted or put down. Her wishes and goals can be granted and reached with her husband’s permission. She does not have to give it up all because she is a “wife”. She is allowed to balance her goals and duties without disappointing her spouse. She has to obey her husband but is allowed to voice her opinions regarding any matters. A wife has to guard her and her husband’s honor. She is entrusted with money and properties of her husband. When it comes to household, the responsibilities in the chores has to be fairly shared and she is to do serve and run the house as a favor not as an obligation. In English, she is called as “house wife” but in Arabic she is known as “Rabbaitul Bait” or “The Queen of the House”. Woah, that for sure is a beautiful impression. A wife is to be protected by her husband. Quran states “Men are the protectors of women, because Allah made some of them excel others and because they spend their wealth on them….” [4:34]. A wife in Islam helps her husband to obey the commands of Allah, be the color to his world, share his burdens and help him face his ups and downs also respect his family and do things that make him happy. And most of all respect him and be loyal and shower each other with abundant love. Muhammad ﷺ has been reported to have said, “When they (a husband and wife) hold hands, their sins will fall away from between their fingers.” Allah said in the Quran “And we Created you in pairs” [78:8]. This ayah explain that male and female complete each other and be one with no boundaries and differences. One of the best hadith of Nabi (ﷺ) stated “The woman who dies in the state of her husband being pleased with her will enter Jannah (paradise).”

    And, Family is the foundation and pillar of strength. As we are aware that father is the head of the family the role of the mother is equally important. Islam has a higher level of respect towards a “mother”. The mother has the greater responsibility and the greater reward in bringing up her children accordingly. There is a saying “no love can be matched to a mother’s love”. Quran states Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship. Their ˹period of˺ bearing and weaning is thirty months. In time, when the child reaches their prime at the age of forty, they pray, “My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.” [46:15]. This ayah of the Quran explains us a great deal about the extents a mother goes to bring her children to the world and build a generation with risks but it’s all done with utmost love. Mothers are precious gifts to the world, they should be treated with love and kindness and obeyed at all circumstances. The following narration of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in an occasion states: “God has forbidden for you to be undutiful to your mothers” [Sahih Bukhari]. Hence, when a women becomes a mother she is an even more important figure in Islam. She is valued so much that Jannah lies under her feet. Nabi (ﷺ) said “Paradise lies at the feet of your mother” [Tirmidhi].

    Therefore, Women are so privileged and honored in Islam that a whole chapter in the Holy Quran is dedicated to them [Surah An Nisa, Chapter 4]. It is a blessing and pride to be born as women in Islam. The first martyr in Islam was a woman – Summaya (peace be upon her). The first who believed in Muhammad ( ﷺ) was a woman – Khadeeja (peace be upon her). Women have their own rights to education, independence, marriage, dignity and inheritance in Islam. A women carries the title of “Muslimah” with her all throughout her life and is authorized with many rights and protected. It is always to be reminded and remembered “Muslim Women are not oppressed”

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    1. Of course my dear friend!
      I believe every word you say. The reason why I’m still fighting is because of Islam. We as women were given rights as soon as Prophet PBUH took over prophethood. But the only issue is have is with culture!

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  3. I read this poist hearing a strong and powerful voice say these words, although it was me reading.

    While reading I thought, that I wanted to be a girl many times because I felt not really comfortable. And in reality I might actually be both a little. The thing is, that also a line I heard in the Netflix series ‘Anne with an “E”‘ came in mind. Something like: A girl can do anything a boy can do and more. Like you wrote, be an engineer, astronaut or dragon slayer. 😀
    And on top of that they can even give life to a child and often understand things, people and life from many more sides and ways, than many men ever get to know.
    About the parent part, I think it is often that the parents either don’t know that there could be a different way, because others expect it from them as well or “it always has been” the way it was.
    They might think it is okay this way, while it isn’t, but there are also different parents who fight for their children and let them grow, as you described and wish for it (the good ways).
    My mother for example told me that men are usually afraid of strong woman, since they want to be the strong one. And her oldest sister was very strong and didn’t get a man, in case she wanted one.

    My mother was also strong at first, but got push back down and such things from many people and her own family until she married (and stayed after several attempts to escape) my sick dad who can’t really do much useful things, but does a good job on controlling, manipulating and literally walking around my house and appearing on the scene whenever we want to just live a little.

    There are very strong pattern in this world which really have to be broken for good.
    I really like the part with the sword and that the image looked as if you were forming a sword with a firey blade. Good parents support their children or should support them and only if something might actually be very dangerous letting them know about it. For example that they shouldn’t trust (too) nice guys who buy a lot of roses and presents. 😀 Because this actually is a sign that someone might have a psychological problem. Not always, but usually. Because when someone always just buys presents or such things and doesn’t have much other things to do or care about, they don’t really love you or even can love you. Since my father is a good example for this, he bought flowers, chocolate and other things for my mother, especially when there was a fight. Then he apologizes himself, as if that would be possible and then expects her / us to forget about it and accept it. He just recently did that again actually. And as long as someone he knows, knows where we are, he will find us and doesn’t let us be. At least he is handable and I am bigger than him now and maybe stronger, but he is still scary, especially when he is angry.

    On my birthday I just stood there without a word (other than expected) and sudden moves. Just shaking his hand and thanking for his present I didn’t want and he knew I didn’t want. There was such a pressure or electricity in the air, that I felt as if I could get punch through the whole room, should I say one wrong word. My father never learned how to really love someone because his own parents didn’t really love him. It is kind of a sad story, but doesn’t help me, although we really often tried to help him in different ways.

    Culture, religion, society… these things broke most people in my family, relatives, friends etc.
    Be it boys or girls, while of course girls usually have it harder. It depends on the individual.
    I for example was willing to take care of the house when I was a child, cook and do laundry and such things. But usually my father either punished me for it or told me that I did something wrong until I didn’t do it anymore and got broken. I also had to often hear that watching TV and playing video games is from the devil and that I should do something better instead. Like what? Breath? He never had an idea of life, but expected me and my mother to do everything for him in one way, while he wanted to be the one in charge, to do the things which were easier (for him).

    After my parents married they got their house from his parents, which was previously out for rent. And my mother then took care of the wooden doors and other things to a point in which the people who lived in there before thought they got new ones. (She worked in this area for some time). The irony, my father was actually learned in such things, while she didn’t have a certificate, but probably was better at the job. To be fair, my father actually was more artistic talented I think, but since it was expected of him to be a man and do man things, he broke and struggled to fit in. Result: Everyone is broken.

    This wasn’t supposed to get this long, as usual 😅 and I don’t know what of these things you already knew about me and my experiences, but maybe it is good the way this comment is.
    And when I was feeling like myself, I never had a problem with a boy being more like a girl and a boy more like a girl or whatever might be there in between. I personally never really had anything to do with feminism or LGBTQ+ and such things. I just noticed them and thought, well if it helps, it is good. But I often personally just saw how a lot of weird laws were made or changed, a lot of noise was done somewhere, but nothing really changed in society. At worst even made people more negative towards change. For me personally, I think everyone should be free to feel, do and live as they want, as long as they don’t need to harm others for it, to feel good or something like that or because it seems to be the norm. And I mean when friends during a game accidentally hurt each other or such things, that is normal that is life, such things happen. It just shouldn’t be that they beat up people for fun or think it is funny or necessary or whatever.

    Thank you for reading, your strong words and your time!
    And it was good to put your anger into these words because you wrote powerful words! 💜💓

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    1. You were raised by a queen, a warrior! Salute to her. Of course men and women can never be equal. Men are physically stronger, compared to woman and woman have the ability to bear more pain (because of child birth). I think we balance each other out. Give your mother a warm embrace form me ❤

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      1. Will do embrace her!

        And sometimes a man might be more of a woman or a woman more of a man. At least it seems, since I am weak in strength (usually), but can take/bear a lot of pain (when I have to). Maybe I am an exception and there might be more out there. ❤ But usually it seems to be in the way you said. 🙂

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      5. My mother was very happy and thankful for “your” embrace and what you wrote about her. She let me greet you. 💓

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  7. This is one of the most powerful posts I’ve ever read….no, not because it’s written by a woman….coz it’s written by a beautiful soul….that has a form of a woman….change is so much needed….the society & the culture needs to be kneaded….who created this….I guess a bunch of egotistic & ruthless men….a man won’t exist if a woman didn’t give birth to that man….soul is formless….love is universal….yet we connect the dots to make the short-circuit effect….even Earth is called Mother Earth….there’s a reason….Earth carries the world….woman carries the child & give birth….woman is “just” not mother though….she’s the power, the fire, the intensity, the ocean, the calmness, the universe….we live in this world, wearing the shades of imbalance, inequality, ego….I’ve never understood the concept of the so called society & culture….God….the energy did not create that….Men did & they choose to remain narrow minded & shallow….it’s a sad world….mad world…..you’re just not a woman, who, from the outside is angry & frustrated….you’re pure, powerful & beautiful energy from the inside….in the form, which is divine….you’re bringing awareness….that’s so much needed….just like this world needs a wonderful woman like yourself….keep expressing yourself from your core….be the light ✨

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    1. Thank you so much for your warm reply! This means a lot. Our generation is the one that will bring the change. Insha Allah. I hope we bear strong children… be it boys or girls. Kind souls that bring positive change and bring peace to our world.

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  9. We here in the U.S. have just elected a minority woman to be our Vice President, and It is very possible that she will be the first minority female to be President. I am proud of this. I raised my daughters to be their true selves, both are very successful at what they do, one a psychiatric nurse and artist, the other was the first woman to serve on the board of a major US Corporation. I am proud of them. My sister raised her daughter the same way and she is a successful artist who sells her work internationally. My mother was raised to be a housewife and not afforded an education. Change IS possible. Press for it in your culture! It will happen. Thank you for your blog and congratulations on escaping the prison of blocked potential. Dr. Bob

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  10. I know this feeling very well! But things are changing slowly over here and now my dad considers daughters to be better than sons because they are available and actually care alot more for the family than a son does! And i’m proud i could change his ideas at least lol 🙈 this was quite a relatable post and i enjoyed every bit of it~ Thank you Aishati~ 🌸🙈💝

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  12. From within a culture that aches for boys and frowns on girls, you saw gender discrimination. News is sealed with female birth and sweetness forms on the lips of those who have boys.

    I would like to say that perhaps in your country, raising children is hard? Perhaps the culture is nomadic?

    Girls face the grievous desire of beauty. Can their physicality lift the weights of the world that were once mostly manufacturing and agricultural?

    You say your actions, as a woman, tarnish the family’s reputation? And if you were a boy, there would be no chance; that tarnish would be passed on.

    You cannot understand being born a woman as bad or that you had a choice.

    Your culture is toxic. Women do chores, give birth to and take care of children and watch their husband do nothing. A working woman does too many things.

    Boys play video games and sisters take care of the house.

    Swords do not carve paths, they cut people. There are no dragons. Few ride horses. Desire to be something is often not enough. To be stuck in a marriage is your own fault. You can just as easily divorce him and get half of the money. Or do not get involved with someone, who is not going to toe the line. And do not have children with men, you do not love.

    It is not a father’s job to protect his daughter, although that would be nice. Something overriding everything is amiss. It is Capitalism, it is survival. It is the fact that no one gives a shit.

    A man wishes he could save his daughter, but she often makes her own decisions and by your argument, you are asking him to support your freedom.

    Your second cousin should be free to marry anyone he chooses, but those daughters are his own. He should be made responsible for them, and your second cousin’s wife should be free to leave her husband.

    Your relative, who keeps his wife in and abuses her, is afraid. He cannot compete with other men and even women and so he controls her. His having two wives in the US would be agains the law.

    A woman should be able to sleep with whomever she wishes. But, even a woman is not privy to how it will end up.

    This is a bigger world than family. It is not so simple as having a chromosome. I do not differentiate. I am often more fond of women, but I understand the old boy network. They are afraid of women. They see women as beautiful and revealing of their weakness. “8 seconds of pleasure,” they say, “and 18 years of pain,” and they are not necessarily differentiating between male and female children.

    As a woman, you can be anything you want to be. No one should be limiting you. I think the failure women make is that not only are they as capable as men, but they have beauty. They radiate and they can even give birth. A man, who has the capacity to take care of himself and her, is a happy man, but mainly many men do not realize the commitment and wealth that implies. These things cannot be imagined. Luckily, I have never made anyone pregnant.

    Women are the light. Teaching them to slay evil is to tell a man to protect her. He is scared with either scenario. He knows men and he knows himself.

    You are beautiful. You have to know that. And if I had a son or daughter, I would recognize their individuality, their strengths and weaknesses, but as a man, I understand how other men feel about women and it scares me.

    As a man, I can walk alone almost anywhere. There are men, who would take advantage of a woman alone on a walk.

    I think all fathers try to raise their daughters not to bend to the cruelty of the world, but they understand its strength.

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    1. I agree with some parts. But I think my post came off as too aggressive. But I fully believe it is a fathers job to raise his daughter as a warrior. Yes we have issues, but we have to work together to resolve them! Men and women can never be equal. Men are physically stronger than women and woman can give birth. But I think we balance each other out. The only issue I have is that we shouldn’t ever stop women (or men) from chasing their dreams. We all are beautiful in our own unique way! Cheers!

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      1. Dear A. Rinum, you do not have to apologize about aggression in your work to me.

        In looking back about what I said about fathers and daughters. I said it would be nice if fathers could raise their daughters well, but I was saying that something much greater than him is afoot undermining her safety and security.

        Women also make their own decisions and you, apparently, wanted women to have freedom to make their own decisions. I want a society, where women are not forced to remain with loveless and abusive men. My mother, a widow, raised us alone. She had a horrible life. There was too much wait placed on her to succeed.

        In conclusion, I said: “I think all fathers try to raise their daughters not to bend to the cruelty of the world, but they understand its strength.” This is not to not raise them to be warriors, but it admits that fathers understand men and fathers cannot always be there to help their daughters. That deeply saddens them.

        Even as you say, men and women can never be equal, they can be in the sense that they have the same rights for self-determination, and thus we agree on them being able to chase their dreams. Yes, we are all beautiful on our unique way. Cheers to you!!!

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    2. Sir: You make some allegations that are clearly not true, and sexist. “All a woman has to do is divorce her husband….” REALLY? and “It’s not a father’s job to protect his daughter” Who the hell’s job is it then?
      And, you imply that a woman’s value is in her beauty. NONSENSE! A woman’s value is in herself, the way God created her. All women and All men are beautiful, made in God’s image….to favor one over the other, is the essence of sexism. Please, go deeper into yourself, find the roots of your own sexism, and perhaps find joy in existing with the opposite sex. Thank you, Dr. Bob

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      1. Doc, I wish you read my statement in its entirety. Women should be in a position to feel safe to leave abusive husbands.

        When I said it is not a father’s job to protect his daughter, you barely read the entirety of that section, where I said: “It is not a father’s job to protect his daughter, although that would be nice. Something overriding everything is amiss. It is Capitalism, it is survival. It is the fact that no one gives a shit.”

        Something greater than he needs to be afoot that protects and helps women thrive. We have a ‘rape culture,’ according to some. Men can walk down the street and be left pretty much alone, and yet women are in potential danger. I am not talking about the failure of fathers nor am I critical of them protecting their daughters.

        Further, I said: “A man wishes he could save his daughter, but she often makes her own decisions and by your argument, you are asking him to support your freedom.”

        Further, I talked about the extension of a woman’s humanity in that she has beauty. She exudes light and wisdom. She is moral authority because she is often a victim. As a man, I don’t really want to talk about men’s beauty. You can. I am not focused on that. I do favor women over men simply because they amaze me; men don’t really. This is not to negate men. I don’t have any interest in men, generally, and that shouldn’t matter to you.

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  14. I did read your post in its’ entirety and I think we are basically on the same page in regards to the necessity of equality. Also on the negative effects of Capitalism, which not only supports a “rape culture”, but also the “rape of the environment”.
    I’ll leave it there, as further debate over the details of your post and my reply (while interesting perhaps to competitive, and frequently contentious men) does not belong on Rinum’s provocative blog. Thanks for your thoughts and reply. Dr. Bob

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    1. I was hesitant about posting this. It’s a very controversial topic. I wasn’t degrading men in any way. And I’m definitely not a feminist. My brother and amazing and very understanding and so my father and even my husband. If it wasn’t for these amazing men in my life I wouldn’t be blogging right now. I was angry at society at certain values…. I hope that makes sense

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  18. This is an intensely beautiful post. Beautiful in your eloquence of language! You are brave and powerful to openly share your heart and experiences.

    The line, “It’s the father’s job to make his daughter rise not be the reason for her fall. Make your daughter unbreakable so she can crush the sky and break unbreakable mountains.” is great advice for every father in every culture. We can pray that father’s follow this wisdom.

    “Instead of telling her to fear the darkness, tell her to be the light.” Amen, I say again Amen!

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