I took off my hijab

I ordered abayas from an online website, but I accidently gave the wrong address. I contacted the website, but they refused to help saying there wasn’t much they could do. My only option was to physically go to that address and ask them if they received my package. It didn’t seem so bad. But the second I got there; I was terrified. The neighborhood seemed strangely odd. There were too many ‘we support the blue signs’ (which isn’t a big deal, but as a person of color and a Muslim, it terrifies me. Automatically I am a suspect. Automatically I’m a terrorist). There were Trump signs as well. The place just seemed unwelcoming. But that wasn’t the issue.

I wore a Hijab, and I sat in my car debating whether I should keep it on or take it off. I chose the latter. I yanked off my identity and walked to the house, just to show them that I came in peace. That I meant no harm. I rang the bell and stood as far away as I could from the front door. No one opened and relieved I came back to my car. At least I tried to get my abayas (I still have no clue where they are).

But the fact that I compromised my existence just to make sure I wasn’t targeted was what disappointed me. It was so easy for me to deviate from my identification, just so I could survive. I’m struggling with my Hijab. It’s an on and off thing. But I hadn’t taken it off, even when that male security guard at the airport told me to do so in France while I was going through security, and here I compromised my identity because I was afraid of being mistaken as a threat.

I’ve lived in NY. I’ve been harassed, threatened, called a terrorist, but I’ve always been immune to those comments, but now I feel like I’ve lost my strength and my identity.

21 thoughts on “I took off my hijab

  1. Im so sorry to hear u had to go through that!! And even more sorry to hear u went through much worse than that before.. I can understand how ur feeling..Although I don’t wear a hijab myself.. But the fact that you had to even temporarily adjust ur identity just to not be mistaken for something else, makes me so sad..its so unfair what this world has come to..I hope you were able to get ur abayas, and if not then its okay, if there is good in them (in this case good in where theyr coming from), then itll reach u, otherwise maybe it was bad and we just don’t know yet..I hope you feel safe wherever u go my friend 💕

    Liked by 5 people

  2. It is so unfair you are made to feel that way, but I understand perfectly why you made the compromise. For the few minutes involved it was just a common sense thing to make things a little easier. Sadly, we often have to make compromises but when they involve your faith it’s more difficult. It is something I am fortunate never to have experienced. People who call you “terrorist” etc are actually afraid that they, themselves will one day be a minority. If they live long enough, it will happen and then they will know how it feels. I am just sorry that anyone should ever feel what you so often do. Best wishes XX

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much for this! I’m trying not to come under pressure, but with all the stares and hisses, its becomes uncomfortable to be you… so u try to be something that’s more familiar to other people because you want to feel safe! Idk if that made sense

      Liked by 3 people

  3. It’s heartbreaking how people judge & put every single being in the terrorist category….what’s wrong with mankind, humanity, freedom & love?….you’re a brave woman, connected to your being….even when you had to compromise….I love the image 💫🤍✨

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow, that was brave. I totally appreciate the struggle. You made an empowered choice at the time for your own protection, which was wise. Because people are sadly uneducated and ignorant. I hope you are feeling better about it now ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  5. i know you felt dissapointed bcs i would feel the same as a hijabi myself but what’s more dissapointing is how a piece of cloth holds so much danger to those people it’s so sad how some cultures that claim freedom and open-mindedness can be the most terrifying 😥 really sorry u had to go through all this 😥💖

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Honestly, it is laughable how afraid some people are if a small piece of material. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I can understand how difficult it must have been to compromise on your beliefs for your safety. Why is islamaphobia still so undercovered by the media while even minor cases of racism are reported? I’m not saying that racism isn’t an issue, but islamaphobia also deserves to be acknowledged.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You made the forced choice, Identity for Safety. A painful one. However, you may have gleaned from the experience Identity is malleable. I am sorry that you had to suffer the idiocies of the ignorant and intolerant among us, but they have been around since the beginning. Perhaps your generation, and your story, will convert a few. My best to you, Dr. Bob

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I just hope no one else feels threatened for being the way they are… the world is big enough for all of us to live peacefully… yet we choose war to resolve issues instead of words.

      Liked by 1 person

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