Having anxiety is like:

Bleeding on the inside with no blood.
Hurting badly but having no visible wounds.
Aching like hell but there is no noticeable injury.
You feel every excruciating second, but you don’t have time.
You’ve done no physical work, but you feel so tired that all you want to do is sleep.
Your thoughts move faster than photons and yet they make no sense.
The hands on the clock move as slowly as a sloth trying to climb a tree.
The air quality is good, but for some odd reason, you can’t breathe.
You do useless tasks to keep your mind at bay, yet you’re restless.

Then there’s the churning stomach, the pounding heart, the shaking legs, the knots in your intestines, the excessive sweating, the piercing headache, the confusion, and the brain fog. It’s like you become a living zombie.

The person staring at you through the mirror is you but you don’t recognize yourself. When did it get so bad? Why didn’t you do anything to stop it? You’re worthless, useless, a pain, a burden- these thoughts slowly seep into your brain and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You watch yourself slowly deteriorate. 

But in this whole anxious mess, we forget we aren’t alone. This is something we have to fight either alone or by leaning on someone. NEVER give in to that feeling of despair or hopelessness. I know it’s a battle that many people might not understand but that doesn’t mean it should be avoided. Take it slow. One step at a time. Figure out what triggers your anxiety. Understand it and then accept it. And then try to overcome it. Sometimes fighting it can cause more problems.

Having to talk in front of a crowd gives me anxiety. I knew that fighting it would make it more unbearable. So, I accepted the fact that I’m terrified of public speaking. That was step one. To overcome this anxiety, I started performing spoken word in front of my sister. She was encouraging. Then I did it in front of my parents. Then my friends. Then peers. Then, people I didn’t know. It wasn’t easy and it took time. But here I am. Unafraid. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes the thoughts still plague me and I start to drown again.  And that’s okay, as long as you try to pull yourself through. Just don’t ever give in to the feeling of hopelessness.

Photo by Inzmam Khan: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-black-shirt-and-gray-denim-pants-sitting-on-gray-padded-bench-1134204/

5 thoughts on “Having anxiety is like:

  1. Like you, I was terrified of public speaking until I was into my late twenties. But unlike you, I didn’t try to combat it as you did — the fear just went away. I remember exactly when I realized it. I participated in a poetry reading in front of a live audience on public access TV and sailed through it with no problem…which goes to show that each of us is different and there’s no one way to conquer our fears.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We must never let depression win, even though the fight is hard. Facing those anxieties is the best way to overcome them but it takes courage. It is nice to see you here again.

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  3. Aisha my dear im glad at least u could see some light in the end although being inside a tunnel is tough and walking through is tougher … 💕💖

    Like

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